Reasons Why...I need to laugh more.

Today was another difficult day in the life of a social worker. I had to say goodbye to a 14 year old client who I've worked very closely with since October. Though it's never my goal, and less than ideal to do so, I can definitely say I became enmeshed with him and his family. Their story was just so devastating that it was hard not to get deeply involved.

Saying goodbye to clients is always difficult for me, though I've gotten more used to the idea since I've been doing it for awhile. There are just some clients who get closer to my heart and who I wonder about for years to come. This young man is one of those clients. What was difficult about today is that our goodbye was premature, and he and his family are still in need of support that I'm no longer allowed to provide because of a number of extenuating circumstances. I wrote him a letter to say goodbye and to tell him how much I admire him and his growth over the last several months. I hope that one day he sees the person that I see he is capable of being.

Anyway, my intention with this blog is not to depress anyone any more than I already have in previous blogs. My intention is to remind myself and any readers of the importance of humor and laughter. Let me transition now.

I grew up with a mom who told VERY corny jokes, and even though it was always my job to roll my eyes in response, I always loved her jokes and appreciated that she could keep me laughing. For a long time I repressed my own sense of humor and rarely said things out loud that cracked me up inside. Once I became close friends with people, I would let them see a little more of my funny side, but only small glimpses. In college, I distinctly remember when my best friend said I was like the lion and the lamb--that I appeared quiet as a lamb on the outside, but once people got to know me, they got to see the lion inside of me. That statement has stuck with me, and I realize that over the last 10 years, I've become more comfortable letting the lion out more often. I've always been drawn to people who make me laugh, and I now get great joy out of getting other people to laugh with me.

On that note, I thought I would share some of the things that are guaranteed to make me laugh. I hope they give you a little chuckle, guffaw, giggle or hoot too. Enjoy, because as you know, my blogs don't usually provide many opportunities for laughter.

The Office
http://www.nbc.com/The_Office/
I love The Office. It’s one thing that consistently makes me laugh out loud. I’m so excited for new episodes to start April 10th. This website has fun games and quotes from the show. Check it out.

Flight of the Conchords
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGOohBytKTU
Watch this YouTube video to see my favorite Flight of the Conchords performance: “Business Time.” Watch more of their stuff so you can keep laughing your butt off.

Monk-E-Mail
http://www.careerbuilder.com/monk-e-mail/Default.aspx?mid=10048897&cbRecursionCnt=1&cbsid=328e7b4ff4154882a4a5768c10ac1ccb-259113229-RT-4
Send your friend a card from a talking monkey. Seriously? It doesn’t get better than that.

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
http://www.deepthoughtsbyjackhandey.com/
This used to be my favorite part of Saturday Night Live. I still love it. One of my favorites: “To me, clowns aren’t funny. In fact, they’re kind of scary. I’ve wondered where this fear started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.”

Favorite Corny Joke: What happened when the 7 dwarfs got in the hot tub? They felt Sleepy, so he got out.

Children's Book Titles You Will Never See: "You Were an Accident" and "Strangers Have the Best Candy"

Stuff White People Like
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/
A blog devoted to stuff that white people like. This is a new discovery, and wow, it’s funny.

Weight Watchers Recipe Cards (1974)
http://www.candyboots.com/wwcards.html
I will forever be indebted to Fara and Jeff and the hours of laughter we shared at work over these recipes. Click on the individual pictures in order to get a description and a better view of recipes like “Chilled Celery Log” or “Fluffy Mackerel Pudding.” Delicious.

Despair.com
http://www.despair.com/
The whole website is funny, but the demotivators are my favorite. For awhile I thought it was my mission to make sure everyone knew about these. If you go to “view demotivators by name,” you can see the posters individually. I love so many of them, but some of my favorites are:
*Dysfunction: "The only consistent feature in all of your dissatisfying relationships is you."
*Loneliness: "If you find yourself struggling with loneliness, you're not alone. And yet you are alone. So very alone."
*Possibilities: "With focus, dedication and steroids, men can achieve impossible dreams. Like breaking a world record. Or growing their own breasts."

There are many other things (and people) that make me laugh, but these are a few that came to mind. Feel free to share some of your favorites with me.

Reasons Why...It's hard to express our needs

I haven't blogged in awhile. Duh.

I keep starting these blogs in my mind, but I feel so apathetic and fuzzy in my head, that I haven't been able to put anything down on "paper." So, I'm just going to write from my heart and leave my head out of it, and we'll see if it makes sense to anyone but me.

I'm part of this discussion group with folks from my church, and the content is kind of kicking my butt. The other night we talked about the unspoken rules we all grew up abiding by in our families. Since then, I've thought a lot about how one of the unspoken rules I took away from my family of origin was that it is not okay to be "needy." I have some theories about how this rule came to be, but I haven't quite pinpointed where exactly it originated. Deep inside my head and heart is the message that having needs is selfish, and expressing them imposes on others. I remember a lot of circumstances where I put my needs on the backburner so that others' needs could be met. Sometimes my motives were altruistic, and sometimes I remember thinking maybe if they get their needs met, they will return the favor and try to meet mine.

One way I have coped with this unspoken rule is by hinting around my needs. The problem is, when people don't pick up on my hints, I feel disappointed. I cannot tell you how many counseling sessions I've had that center around my disappointment due to unmet expectations (which ultimately stem from my needs). Even more messed up is I've always thought that when I have to ask for my needs to be met, it doesn't "count" because I had to ask, and if someone really loved me or knew me, they would just know what my needs are and meet them. Mostly I've just found it's easier to try and meet my own needs, pretend I don't have needs, or just spend so much time meeting other peoples' needs that I don't have time to think about my own.

So the other day I decided to experiment with being okay with having a need and intentionally asking someone to meet my need. It just so happened that my need in that moment was to hear I am a wonderful person, and somewhere there is a man who will meet me and be blown away by all that I have to offer. In other words, I was feeling very unattractive, undesirable, unwanted, rejected, and, well, basically like a loser who is destined to be single with 65 cats for companionship, and I needed a little pick-me-up. I thought to myself, it seems kind of uncomfortable to call up a friend and ask them to tell me how wonderful I am, so I will call my mom, because she's always been so good at telling me how wonderful I am.

So, I picked up the phone, made a little small talk, and said something like, "Mom, I'm feeling a little down on myself, and I thought I could call on you to tell me all of things that you think are wonderful about me that a man will someday love about me."

My mom's response was something like, "Oh honey, if you just stop looking then the "one" is going to come along when you least expect it."

Hmmm...that's not quite what I was looking for...more like the opposite of what I was looking for...

"Mom, I'm not really looking for advice, I kind of just want to know that there isn't some big red flag that I am hauling around that no one is willing to tell me about. I just want to know that there isn't something so wrong with me that I'm going to be single forever."

"Oh honey, you have so much going for you! You are so successful in your career and your life that some men might find you intimidating. Think of a famous person."

Where is this going? "I can't think of anyone..."

"Ok, what about that Clooney fella. If you sat down to play a card game with him, would you play stupid and let him win?"

"No, I would kick his ass."

"Exactly. Some men might find that intimidating, and if the men you meet find that intimidating, then you don't want to be with them anyway. God has someone perfect for you. When you meet him, he is going to be phenomenal, because that's what you are."

"Thanks Mom." Hmmm...

I love my mom. I love how hard she tries to encourage me and say the right thing. I hung up the phone and I still didn't feel like my need was met quite the way I hoped.

Sometimes asking for what you need feels more like listing out what you don't need. I wasn't looking for advice, and I wasn't wanting to hear that maybe I'm single because I can be intimidating. What I needed to hear was the 50 things about me that some man is going to find irresistible and will cherish in me. What I needed was to hear that there is no red flag hanging over my head, and I am lovable just the way I am. What I needed to hear was that any man would be stupid not to scoop me up because I'm amazing and a great catch.

What I realized is that sometimes it hard to express our needs because we don't always know or understand what we need.

What I've come to realize is what I needed the most in this situation is to know inside myself all of the reasons why I am phenomenal, irresistible, and lovable. If I keep depending on other people to provide me with that affirmation, I will continue to be disappointed time and again, and my need will go on being unmet. Ultimately, what I need is to believe it for myself first.