Reasons Why...I work too much

Let me start by saying I know I am not gifted with the ability to say no. I see good opportunities, I feel invincible in the moment they are offered, and I say yes to them. I know this about myself and I know that I need to say no more often. Having said that, let me share a story. While many of you have heard the sob story already, I feel compelled to share it here (in its entirety), as 2008 is starting out feeling a little overwhelming. I'll tell you why:

First some history. As long as I have been employed in the non-profit world (too long), I have had to work more than one job at a time in order to make ends meet. Note: One might say this is due to my impulse shopping and inability to budget effectively, which may be true, but I will save that discussion for another blog, which I will entitle, "Reasons Why...I should have someone else manage my money for me." Anyway, these second "jobs" have included such tasks as house cleaning, mystery shopping, tutoring, doing yard work, selling plasma, house/dog sitting, and working as a temp doing filing at a bank. In addition to some extra money, these jobs provided me with stronger character and good stories to tell. They also enabled me to do the non-profit work I felt passionate about and called to do!

I remember thinking when I went to graduate school how great it would be to only have to work one job and have all these wonderful and exciting hobbies in all my spare time. Well, I'm pretty sure that it's been nearly 4 years since I finished my Master's in Social work, and I can't think of a time that I haven't had more than one job. Some have said I should give up non-profit work so I don't have to worry so much about finances. There is definitely some validity to that argument. My struggle comes from trying to figure out how to go to a job forty hours a week if I don't feel passionate about it and moved by it. So far I haven't been able to find a job that meets these needs and also pays a decent salary. Anyway, that's enough of the sad history. Let me get back to why January feels so overwhelming to me.

1) My full time job is working as a therapist with youth and families at two middle schools. I love my job, and I love being able to say I love my job. I feel like I thrive when working in a school, and I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. Even still, the reality is, it is both a rewarding and exhausting way to spend 40+ hours a week.

2) My second job is working as a Portland Public Schools employee supervising two interns who are getting their Masters in Social Work. I get to coach them on how to work in a school culture and how to do individual, family, and group counseling. I love being in a supervisory role, and my interns are easy to work with and incredibly competent. I am very fortunate to have this opportunity, and I truly hope I do not have to give it up after this school year. The tough part is it takes another 5-10 hours every week.

3) In the Fall I was asked by another non-profit agency to be an on-call instructor, teaching classes to adults who are interested in adopting children with special needs. These children are coming out of the foster care system and bringing with them loads of mental health challenges in addition to histories littered with abuse, trauma, substance abuse, and neglect. As you might imagine, the content of these classes is pretty heavy as we try to communicate the realities of adopting children who have experienced more at age 10 than most of us will in a lifetime. What I did not realize is how inspiring these classes would be, because the people who enroll in them have hearts overflowing with compassion and love to offer these children. I teach the classes every other month for a full weekend, and this is the month I'm on to teach. There goes another 20 hours.

4) The agency I work for full time also needs facilitators for skills groups that happen four nights a month. The groups are for kids who have committed minor crimes and need to go through a diversion program in hopes that they will stay out of the juvenile justice system. I offered to take on the January edition of these classes when I found out that the person who was facilitating them was no longer available. For the Executive Director, this offer translated into me being an ongoing facilitator of these classes every month. One might say, "just tell her no," and yet you have not read my unpublished blog entitled, "Reasons Why...I need to stay on the Executive Director's good side..." At any rate, these groups take up four nights/10 hours a month. My first group starts next week.

5) Another non-profit agency approached me with the opportunity to do a short seminar for their staff on issues related to children who have incarcerated parents. I love teaching and I love the idea of contracting with another agency with whom I've never worked. What did I say to their invitation? Yes, of course! That will be another few hours in prep and and presentation this month.

I know this all sounds absurd, and you're thinking, what is she whining about? She's gotten herself into this mess because she cannot say no. That's about 95% true. Let me finish by saying that the other 5% is all of the expenses that I did not anticipate in the month of December (in addition to Christmas shopping and travel). Those expenses included things like Dr. appointments to find out why I haven't been sleeping (I think you all could tell me why at this point), a root canal (ouch), a speeding ticket (ouch again), and a car accident that is my fault because rather than allowing a city bus to sideswipe me, I chose to dodge the bus and hit a curb. Add to all of that my regular bills and credit card debt, and I find I need some extra sources of income.

Are you tired of reading this yet? Yes? Me too. And even though it's my reality and responsibility to take care of all of the above, the experience of getting it out of my brain has been quite cathartic. If you're still reading this, thanks for letting me get all that out. I'm going to sleep now.