Reasons Why...I feel like this might be my most random blog yet.

So, here's the thing. People keep saying, "You haven't blogged lately," or "You need to blog more" and my personal favorite, "What's the point of having a blog if you never write...Are you afraid you might say something?" That last one is my friend, Chris, who thinks I need to do a better job of being controversial in my blogs so I can push peoples' buttons and make them think about stuff. He's really good at that, and I aspire to be the writer Chris is. Sometimes in the process he can be a real ass, though. :) I digress.

To be honest, it does make me feel good to know people like to read my blog or think I have interesting things to say (or maybe there's nothing better for them to do). I just feel like lately I don't have much to say. Or maybe I have a lot to say, I just haven't stopped long enough to get it out. So, I'll blog, but I can't promise it will be interesting. I'm just going to do some verbal vomiting and see what comes out.

Speaking of blogs, my friend Kristi has gotten real creative with her blog lately. She decided to feature profiles of her single friends in an effort to help them meet Mr. Right. If it works, it's like online dating, only these folks come with a reference from one of her friends. Yours truly is the first to be featured, and I feel honored. It's a little embarrassing, but at the same time, I appreciate her efforts to help a girl out. We all know I'm not doing a good job of meeting eligible bachelors any other way right now.

Anyway, I have been working so much lately that I am just plain exhausted when I come home, and I don't have the time to "process" what is in my brain. Instead I watch bad TV, play on Facebook, and read other people's blogs. That's about all I can manage before going asleep and working another 12 hour day. I wouldn't be surprised if my roommates think I'm inconsiderate or antisocial with the way I behave once I come home, because I feel like I can't carry on a dialogue to save my life once the clock strikes 9pm.

Incidentally, for all of you thinking, "Monica never calls me," read the above paragraph again. I promise it's nothing personal. I feel like I would be more rude talking on the phone because I wouldn't be "present," and I hate it when I can tell that someone is reading email, watching TV, etc while trying to fake that they're listening to me. Don't get me wrong. I have no problem with multitasking. I am often washing dishes, taking out the garbage, or doing laundry while I'm on the phone, but I believe I'm still present in the conversation. By the way, if it bugs you that I'm multitasking when we're on the phone, please let me know.

I'm teaching two parenting classes these days on Monday and Tuesdays nights. Technically I think I'm only teaching one on Tuesdays as of this week, because my Monday group no-showed two weeks in a row. That's a bummer, because that's the curriculum I really like teaching more. I really love teaching parenting. The longer I teach it, though, the less I actually want to be a parent.

It's damn hard to have someone who depends on you 24/7. I get upset when my cat, Oscar, gets too needy and won't leave me alone. People say that it's different when it's your own kids, blah, blah, blah. I don't know about that. I had a great conversation with a friend about the fact that neither of us really want to have kids, and how oftentimes people are shocked by that. Sometimes people even think we are selfish for feeling this way. Really?

The reality is, when my job is to attend to the emotional needs of other peoples' children all day, I think it's quite possible that I wouldn't have the energy to attend to my own children at the end of the day. This would perpetuate the problem I'm trying to address with my clients whose parents can't seem to be bothered by their own kids' emotional needs. So doesn't it seem silly that I would bring another ignored child into the world?

Ok, we all know that if I did have a kid, I wouldn't ignore it, but do you see what I'm saying? I just feel like I want to focus my energies on the kids I meet every day who believe their parents do not love them or care about them. I want to focus my energy on the kids who just need the one person to believe in them and to share that life has options. I started my week with a 13 year old who told me that he just got jumped into a gang because his mom doesn't care what he does and he needs a family that will have his back. When asked what his 3 greatest wishes are, he didn't talk about all the things we think most teenagers would say. He said he wants to have enough food, to have a consistent place to live, and to know that his parents love him. This kind of crap kills me and totally drains me emotionally. I don't think I'm selfish for not wanting kids. I think I'm making a responsible choice based on the work I'm called to do.

Speaking of having kids, have you seen the movie Juno? I loved it. I already saw it twice and bought the DVD and soundtrack. Good stuff.

Speaking of music, I love American Idol. For the first 2-3 seasons it was on I thought it was so cheesy and a waste of time. I guess I still think it's cheesy and a waste of time, but now I love it for those very reasons. Right now I'm voting for David Cook. I would actually buy his album, because everything he sings is amazing. He could sing the ABC's and I would love it.

Speaking of loving something, I love Facebook. I was at a dinner gathering with some friends recently, and one my friends and I started laughing about an inside joke on Facebook. When we tried to explain what we were laughing about to the other people, they looked at us like we were aliens. Their expressions said something to the effect of, "Aren't you a little old to be into Facebook?" Maybe we are, but I still think it's fantastic.

Speaking of fantastic, I think sleep is one of the most fantastic things I do. Since I don't do nearly enough of it, I think I'm going to go do it right now. Ok, not right this moment. I have to go send some Facebook Flair first.